This blogspot is under production to serve as a memorial blogspot and to post pictures and music of my father that he performed.
My father was suddenly and wrongly taken from our family on Nov 10, 2008 by a drunk driver. Our lives have been in limbo ever since. We ache for that stable and constant love that he provided in our family for so long. He and my mom were married for almost 44 yrs. The selfish intoxicated driver saw to it that we no longer get to celebrate those special occasions with him. In fact, on that day, before he died. He and my mom had a lovely breakfast..omelets, I understand...in celebration of her birthday. Later that day he left for a singing engagement, while my mom prepared for a tea party. Two of her grandchildren were coming over along with a friend to celebrate her birthday. While my mother was placing her beautiful Johnson Bros china on the table, she noticed an unknown car coming up the driveway. That car delivered the unimaginable news that my father had been hit by a car while he was standing outside of his car waiting for oncoming traffic to pass before he got back into his car. He waited for the car to pass...but it aimed straight for him. No chance for him to escape. Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming. I wish I had called one more time...I wish I had called before he left so I could delay his departure from home until that
man had passed by...I wish had been able to join my family the day before at a birthday celebration for my mom as I was at home with a sick little boy. My father gave my mom some beautiful roses the day before her birthday and the most beautiful and touching card.
....When I got to my parent's house later that day after hearing the news... I really didn't even know what happened..what are they talking about..drunk driver? At 1:30 in the afternoon?..we gathered around the table to talk and make phone calls and the beautiful china was sitting there...waiting for tea time..waiting for the promised party. Instead it is untouched! Grief rushed thru me.. The red roses my father had given my mom the day before were so beautiful ...and were in such contrast to the tears and pain that was busting at the seams in that house. No rest, no comfort.
There had been a gentle rain earlier in the day...but that night... it rained and rained and never stopped for about two days. It rained so hard that it seemed to be trying to cleanse our minds, our sadness, ...the road.
So as a tribute to my father, I am working on this blogspot and a few other projects. Details to come soon. Thanks for reading. I am hoping that this site might help my family and me thru this difficult time.
kara
14 comments:
I still relive the moment I received the phone call at work. I remember hearing my mom's trembling voice, the questions on the faces of those around me, those who knew something bad happened. I remember arriving at my parents' house and seeing the Justice of the Peace who told me what happened. I remember listening to what she said, but not really comprehending what happened. I remember the look on her face, the expressions on everyone's face as they arrived at the house, my daughter's face, my sisters faces, my niece's face, co-workers, friends, priests - everyone's face - the fear, sadness, confusion; I don't remember the rain. I don't remember words spoken to me; I remember only the sad, lonely faces... But, I also remember my Daddy's sweet smiling face on November 9th, the day before he died. I remember his kiss on my cheek and the wonderful hug (he always added an extra squeeze) he gave me. I remember his laughter and jokes on that day. What a great memory!!
I am so thankful to my sister for creating this blog site, now I can fully remember his beautiful voice.
Oh, how I miss him - my Daddy, our Honey.
From: Kastarchi Truong (Facebook)
I am deeply saddened by the heart breaking news on the desmine of your beloved hushband/father after I read your blog.
At this trying time, may I humbly prayed that all of you be blessed with abundance of courage, love to make it though.
One of the real tributes to Horton is that his life has impacted the entire world. AT his funeral, our friends from Germany flew in to attend! And now, my friend from Vietnam has commented on the blog. How very, very touching, yet not surprising. Honey's vibrant voice, his wonderful fullbodied laughter, his talent at joke telling, his beautiful smile, his loving arms -- his personality was infectious! He never met a stranger, and collected friends and fans as surely as he collected his lovely antique pieces. He is so intelligent, and loving and caring; a man of complete justice and honesty, and the loss of his physical presence in our lives is unbearable. Yet, we are people of deep faith, and we know that he lives in a realm we cannot understand; we know that we will be with him once again, and that in the mean time, he remains near..for we feel his love, although we can't reach out and touch him. Perhaps that is what hurts the most... it's the separation, like an amputation for me for he was the best part of me!
While listening to Horton's singing, I felt the presence of God. This blog is overwhelming! In the Peace of Jesus Christ, Charlotte Verga
NOw it is June 28th, more than seven and one half months since you left us to be in the Glory of God! I am so happy for you, and so sad for us. I will never understand this, for I am still so human and so limited by my ego and my selfish ways. I miss you so much. So much has happend, HOney, since you left...I need to tell you...I need to talk to you..like we always did.
But it is silent. My love cries out into the night, it is seeking your love ....... Honey I feel that so much is happening.... I am busy with so much, and school will start again in August. There is so much I want to share with you, for you are the only one that can understand me. There was never any happiness before you came into my life, and now..... now........
I love you, Sandy
My precious Kara, it is because of your love that this blog is here. Thank you. I do not have the words sufficient to express how much it means to me. To hear my love sing! To listen to the anguish of Slater and Jaden! It is so bittersweet, hurtful, yet healing - like a medicine that burns.......
I am so very thankful for this blog, and I don't want to make it a maudlin place for my own pity party..I want it to be a place of honor and beauty for your Daddy. For he is the one thing in my pathetic life that ever meant anything! It is because of your father that I ever blossomed into whatever I am, and certainly due to his deep love that you, and Lara, and Mara came into your glorious being!! I am so thankful for his love and our family........ you are such proof of his goodness!!
I love you, Mommaxoxoxoxox
I still have moments of disbelief. It still seems like a distant dream...but reality strikes me...and yes...it happened. But how...how did that happen? That wasn't suppose to happen. How could that be the plan...regret sometimes hangs on me. I wish I had called one more time, hugged him longer, told him I loved him one more time, or sang one more song with him. But now, that opportunity is gone. Sadness is with me often.. and sometimes I don't want it to leave, because then my thoughts can dwell on him. I invite that pain so that I can be closer to him. dream now....xoxo kara
I too know that sadness. The darkness that is so real that it follows me everywhere, begging for my complete attention. It is jealous, and spoiled- wanting everything. . . . But, we cannot give it All....for that is not loving. We must love, we must live and we must keep the love alive. If we allow this sadness to keep our attention, then life slips saddly past us, without our acknowledgement, or enjoyment. Daddy would not want that; he would not allow that. I have to honor his love in a way that honors Life..... I have tried to hold on to the grief, the horror of it all as a way to honor my darling husband...but I am not so sure, now, that it gives him honor.... I must live a life that brings him honor, and that echoes the Love and incredible Life that we shared. Sitting in the dark (which I have been prone to do).... in tears and sadness does not honor our love. Our love was a love of Light, excitement, heart-trembling expressions, and complete trust. I have to trust now......to trust that my Horton is in the arms of our Lord, ALIVE, more alive than ever: that he is tremendously rewarded and loved........that he sees us and loves us still. My heart wants to stay with the hurt, too, thinking that it brings him closer. But, something is telling me that my loving Horton will be closer to me if I extend my vision, widen my tent, and look out to those who need me. I don't want to leave him behind....and I Won't..........I want to carry him with me, deep in my being...where he is always, and always will be. We cannot be separated, I know that...... I know that. It is just the pain that is so difficult. The knowing is sure...the pain cuts, and threatens my trust...I cannot let this overcome the deep love and goodness that we ARE to one another. We will always be connected in our great love, that love will be forever....that is what we promised on the precious night of October 8, 1964...several months before our marriage on January 29, 1965!!
My sincere prayer is that you girls will be able to carry the goodness and love of your father into your lives, and into the lives of your children.....there he is living forever.
I love you, xoxoxoxoMommaxoxoxoxox
Today it has been 8 months. It seems a lifetime. To live without you to hold, to whisper my deepest thoughts, to share our family, to touch your sweet face, to understand, to love is to live in deep pain. I am thankful that all the evidence stays it was sudden, and you did not suffer, but the horror of it all will always trouble me.
Your life here was a life of complete honor, love, humor, loyalty, and strength. Your continued life "there" I pray is one of total joy and fulfillment. We will live our lives in a way that will bring you honor, and glory to God. I will always love you. Can love grow deeper even now? It seems so. I miss you so much, I trust that we will be together again in God's time. He brought us together, we cannot be apart, Sandy
Nine months ago this afternoon we said farewell to your cremains and returned them to the earth. A heart-wrenching beautiful moment Honey when your grandchildren grabbed handfulls of your cremains to help me return them into the ground. I was worried they would be scared, or shy........but most of all they LOVED and showed it in their impulsive act of caring..........they took care of you, their beloved Honey. These memories remain with me so concrete, so real. And memories of YOU my love, remain so real, so complete within my soul. I feel as connected to you now as I did all our lives together. Nothing has changed, except location............. tears come and go at unexpected, uninvited times. Yet my love for your remains unchanged, and as strong as ever. Not even death will change that, or "take" you from me.... that is impossible...we are connected, I know this.
I love you................ Sandy
....reading over old comments.... Honey, now it is 22 and a half months since you were stolen from us. That is almost two years. Why, then, does it feel so fresh? .....
You......Your presence is real to me. YOU are real to me. I can't touch you, or hear you, or know that you hear me....yet, you Are real. I can't understand that, I only know that to be true.
Part of me is angry because I don't know if you hear me, or feel me as I feel you; and yet, another part of me knows that you do. This is an excruciating, confused time...it must be so clear for you...I wish for your clarity, for your peace. Pray for us Honey, that we may come closer to peace knowing that you are in LOVE itself, and at total peace.
I love you, completely, always have...always will, Sandy
And, now it is two and a half years since that awful day. The words sounds empty, everything is empty without you. I miss you, and I love you. The words I want to say are stuck in my heart, they seem frivolous, shallow.
I think of you every day, almost every moment. You are everywhere, everywhere, and I am stuck here.
I'm always yours, Sandy
“I don’t know what all this means,” I say out loud as sadness slips soundlessly into my soul. It’s been more than 5 years now…
Our anniversary lies just ahead there--at another turn of life. I leaf through “Our Wedding Book” struggling to keep tears off the delicate aged pages. It will be our 49th. We always talked about our 50th and how we would celebrate together . . .
We celebrated every day, didn’t we? Our life, our love Was Celebration; a bash moment by moment, even those hard ones. So, I suppose missing that 50th is okay in the end.
Beautifully, when we renewed our vows and were blessed by Fr. Joe near our 35th Anniversary, our precious girls put together a reception that could rival any 50th anywhere else. I felt like a bride again all over again! Did you “feel” how handsome, how charming you were? You always made my feet melt relying only on the wings you gave me for support.
I read cards, tucked inside Our Wedding Book, from 1965 telling us how lucky we were, what a future lay ahead for us, “special young people.” WE believed that; we lived that; but it was only in our later years together we appreciated the truth of that; only then did we fully know the gratefulness we shared for one another.
We never celebrated our 44th, and in some ways I don’t really remember what we may have done on our 43rd…but I have and treasure the precious card you gave me. The funny one, with Inka and Maggie you drew onto the card with us as we sat at home, you napping, me reading….illustrating that simple joy I so profoundly miss--intensely grieve for again with every breath now, (just another 5 minutes?)
So, I speak aloud, “I don’t know what all this means“…………..what is this pain to birth? For pain this deep can only bring more life.
Today I don’t see it, maybe tomorrow.
,,,, Honey, I have to add a postscript... you must be laughing so hard right now! When we renewed our vows wasn't at our 35th, it was our 40th!! I know you're laughing 'cause I used to be the one who never messed up a memory/a date/a number and always corrected you!
Well, enjoy it. It just shows how much older I'm getting!! I love you right now more than I ever have....you are as close as my breath. Sandy
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